


she is loved

by DoorIsAjar



Category: citrus - サブロウタ | citrus - Saburouta
Genre: Crying, Cute, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Love, Love Confessions, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 20:39:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14880830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoorIsAjar/pseuds/DoorIsAjar
Summary: She doesn't get "love" the same way Yuzu does. And that's okay because Yuzu will love her enough for the both of them.





	she is loved

She doesn't get "love" the same way Yuzu does. And that's okay because Yuzu will love her enough for the both of them.

Did her grandfather not see the strain and turmoil his granddaughter went through as suitor after suitor was set up with her? Did he not see that any warm and fuzzy definition that she held of love was slowly but surely being stripped away into nothing? Because these men forced themselves on her, played her like a bargaining chip, a mere stepping stone in their careers?

It was no surprise why Mei treated Yuzu the way she did at the beginning. And after all this time, Yuzu can't even count how many times Mei has apologized for it. Because after all this time Mei has come to see how disgustingly wrong some of her choices and actions were - how identically she had acted to the very men who forced themselves upon her.

"Can... you say it again?"

She has a mess of tears trailing her face because she doubts Yuzu's words. And that means she doubts Yuzu, and she hates herself for it, more than she can stomach; but Yuzu's words have never meant the same thing she has learned them to be.

And Yuzu merely smiles, pearly whites glistening for her and her alone.

"I love you."

And with that her control slips completely away. She buries her eyes in the heels of her palms because she can't take it. She can't take Yuzu's patient, caring, loving smile; she's the last person deserving of it. There's no way she has been blessed with this individual in her life so head over heels in love with her, so bent on showing Mei what it means to be loved.

Yuzu pulls her in closer, and she nudges their noses together.

"I know it's different when you say it, I know, but..."

But she can still feel the warm breath of men bending over her, whispering their hollow lies of affection in her ear, tainting such beautiful words in their desire for riches and ignorant that they are stripping one of the most powerful of emotions from this girl. She can still feel teeth biting at her lips, demanding entrance, and slimy tongues slipping inside her mouth and hands trapping her head in place until she stops resisting altogether.

And she can still feel the chill that ran over her bare back that Christmas night and the trembling hand placed on her cheek, and a swell of nausea threatens to overwhelm her because she was no better than those men.

She can recall tears as she ripped Yuzu's shirt open because this is what she had learned, but it had felt so _wrong_.

But Yuzu merely brings their foreheads together. Her heart stutters painfully as Mei chokes down a sob because she has made so much progress, and she's bursting with pride over her; but love has always been a difficult word. To add deceit and lies and money and force, Yuzu can't imagine the confusion and pain, the hatred Mei has directed at herself over not being able to reciprocate the same way Yuzu can.

"I love you so much. It's okay if it's hard now. You'll get it eventually, I know you will."

And each time Yuzu murmurs those same words, sweeter than honey and oh so caring and gentle and patient, a warmth blossoms in Mei's chest, one that never accompanied those words before. She can feel Amamiya and all the others loosening their holds, and it becomes harder to picture anyone but Yuzu when she thinks of "love."

Her chest constricts as a sob erupts unwillingly past her lips, and all she can do is let Yuzu bury her head under her chin.

"I love you, Mei."

She'll say it again. She'll say it as many times as Mei needs, and not one time will it be a lie. Her own eyes sting as tears burn at the back. She has no doubt Mei loves her, even if she can't say those three words. Those words hold nothing over what Mei feels - and she feels distraught enough to break down because how is she supposed to tell Yuzu that she loves her if those very words are tainted so? If those words feel like a lie on her tongue?

"I love you, I love you, I love you."

And despite the tears, Yuzu gives a short laugh, planting a small kiss on the top of Mei's head.

"I love you, Meeeiiii~"

Her words are but a whisper, but they are so warm. Since when was love warm? When did love stop being cold, greedy hands planting her against the wall or trailing up her thighs and her fighting to yell despite the extra tongue invading her mouth against her own volition?

Mei swallows down every other contrived notion she has been fed about love because what she feels at that moment is not anything like what those men taught her. It's the exact opposite of the hollow, empty feeling with which their words filled her. It's bursting at the seams, and she cries more fervently because she can't contain this unfamiliar sensation.

Her words come out wet, but they are the most beautiful words Yuzu has ever heard.

"I love you."

And she cries harder, tugging at the front of Yuzu's clothes. She's afraid she lied, that somewhere, somewhere deep in those three words, some vestige of a lie runs amuck with tiny, irremovable pieces of deceit and greed and hunger that will forever be ingrained in those words and will forever be ingrained in _her_.

But her thoughts run dry as Yuzu sobs, openly now, and her grip on Mei becomes nearly unbearable.

"I love you, Mei. I love you so much."

Yuzu leans back, and her cheeks are utterly saturated. Mei thinks she probably looks the same, if not worse, but then Yuzu buries her fingers in Mei's hair, and something shifts.

These hands aren't trapping her; they're holding her like she's precious, fragile even, afraid to break her under too much strain. Yuzu's eyes gleam at Mei as if she is holding her entire world in her hands, and Yuzu very well believes that she is.

And when Yuzu leans in to kiss her, it's not on the lips, as if she _know_. She knows that's not what Mei needs right now, and her lips plant a gentle kiss on her nose, then on her cheek and then her forehead before burring the younger girl back in her embrace.

And in that moment, as Yuzu heaves out another sob and her fingers delicately thread through Mei's black locks, there is not a shred of doubt in Mei's mind that she is loved.

**Author's Note:**

> This originally started out as just writing down notes because I didn't exactly have time to write at the moment - but I enjoyed fleshing everything out so much I kept going and going until I pretty much had the whole thing written. I hope you have enjoyed reading! This is cross-posted on FF.net.
> 
> Also, I have written a total of three citrus fics (one of which I have only on my FF.net account because I try to use my AO3 for the pieces of which I am more proud), and I've kept the theme of titling the work as the last words of the story. I think it's cool and cheesy. :)


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